My Life is Pie
Updated: Dec 31, 2019
Before I got pregnant with Dommy Dizzle, I was a self proclaimed busy body. I was deeply involved in two non-profits (shout out to Annie's Hope and Launch St. Louis.)I kept a clean house. I ran almost daily. I was caught up on all the latest shows. I slept...man did I sleep!
When I got pregnant with Dom that all began to change. I think I deeply underestimated the toll pregnancy would take on my body and I had a very healthy pregnancy. I mean I hated being pregnant, but we'll save that saga for another day. I didn't understand how tired I'd be. How much I'd have to prioritize taking care of myself over taking care of others. I thought I could still be a busy body. I thought I could still do all the things I'd done before. Lucky for me, Dom lodged a foot in my ribs somewhere around 24 weeks and didn't take it out until somewhere around 35 weeks. All exercise and eating healthy went out the window and that's when I knew...motherhood was going to take more of me than I'd planned. Yep I said "planned." By nature I am extremely Type A. I plan everything forward and backward so OF COURSE I had a plan of how much motherhood would take (insert evil laugh here.)
While I was pregnant with Dom I did a lot of talking in therapy about my life as a pie chart. Before I was pregnant with Dom it looks something like this:
I told my therapist that I understood my world would look different. That I knew something would have to give. It doesn't matter how large you make a pie chart, it's still only 100%, so I can't theoretically make more room. So I thought maybe it'd look more like this after Dom:
Fucking cute, right? I thought I could micromanage my way into Motherhood. I thought my baby would fit neatly into my pie chart life and I'd ride beautifully off into the sunset. In reality my life looks like this:
What is running again? Oh and me-time? I ain't see dat bitch in a minute! What's in that 55% Motherhood you ask? A whole lot of this:
Motherhood has changed me in more way than I'd ever thought possible. Some for the better, but I won't lie some for the worst too. I don't run anymore. It doesn't fit within my chart right now. I hope to get back to it in the future, but in this season, It's just not happening. What they don't tell you is that even when you are not actively parenting, you are indeed still a mom. And that's what I didn't take into account. Unlike your title at work, motherhood is weaved into your very genetics. It can't be taken away from you because it is you. It's both the best gift and the shittiest gift all wrapped in one adorable, sticky hug. It can't be put in a chart. It just is.
Take moment today to cheers the person you've become in Motherhood. That person is a badass and worthy of applause.